Twenty Five Already?!

Today I turn 25.
So in a celebration of sorts I'm going to let you in on some of the things I've learned, seen, and realized about myself and a few other things.

About myself I've learned that I care way too much. I don't particularly care too much about what people are saying or doing about me or to me, it's more like I care about other people too much. I hate to see my friends hurting. I cannot stand when they cry, or are so angry but they can't do anything about it. I really don't like to see them in situations that they honestly don't deserve to be in. That being said I also realized I can't do a damn thing about it. No matter how badly in the deepest part of my soul that I want to fix it, or help them, I can't. In the end our life is up to us to control and "fix" if it needs it. So I've seen myself go from constant anger at people I could give two spits about to really absolute nonchalance. I still listen to my friends, and I still try and comfort them but I am no longer taking anymore time out of my life, or out of my family's life to dwell on that stuff. I've also made some changes in the way I am towards people. Instead of remembering only what people I haven't "liked" over the years I have dropped all of that crap. I have been starting fresh. I am forgiving people like God teaches us to do. I am being friendly without any strings. I am giving all people a chance without saying "Well he/she did this or that to me or someone else". I'm going into new friendships with my heart and arms open, with nothing holding me back. People are only people, we all sin, we all make mistakes, and there is no reason for me or anyone else to be treated as though we should be punished forever.  So if you're reading this and you think I don't like you for something that you may or may not have done to me or anyone I love, think again, I have nothing against you. One of my favorite parts of the Bible to read when I'm feeling like maybe this just isn't going to work is: But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." ... How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. --Luke 6:35-38;42 
Does that not say exactly what I've been trying to say? 
Amen!  

My kids are amazing. I can think of dozens of words to describe them, but I will stick with that one. They keep me alive! They are forever doing something...ANYTHING to make sure I NEVER forget they are here hahaha. They have taught me a type of patience that I never thought I would know. They have shown me some of the most beautiful things in life. Gabriella has shown me how big and wonderful the world looks from her level. Through Maximus I am relearning life. When he comes home from school with stories and pictures and homework to do, he rejuvenates me with his excitement! I couldn't have asked for two better kids from our Lord to raise. Like my Grandma Violet has told me, he has loaned me these babies to raise in his word so that when he gets them back (in 100 years or so) they will be the best people they know how to be. I will teach them about all the good and bad in this world, I will raise them to know about God, and I will LOVE them without abandon or limits. My kids mean the entire world to me and without THEM I don't know where I would be. 

As for my relationship with my husband, it is stronger than it ever has been. We didn't really have much going against us when we got married because most of the people that have known us for years knew that we would eventually get married. Our families were super supportive and happy for us. Now this isn't to say we didn't face "obstacles" over the years. I had a baby that wasn't his, he got engaged and went through some rough stuff in that relationship. In the end though it came back to him and I, like we both always knew it would...(maybe not so much in our everyday thinking, but when we came back together as friends everything was perfectly clear from there). That was only about three years ago, but honestly it feels like a lifetime already. Ryan and I are still learning silly little things about each other, and getting a real kick out of it. One day a few months ago I was making soup and buttered crackers (like my mom used to make me) and he told me he had never had a buttered cracker! I was like what the heck?! That's so crazy! It was something that is so normal to me that he had never done! There are days when I can't get enough of him and there are some days that I am definitely ready for him to go to work (hahaha) but there is NEVER a day that I don't love him.


The things I have learned about God are endless. I have found a new type of life with him. I have found my place with him. With him I will be the best mother, with him I will be the best wife, but most of all, with him I will be the best ME. I have not lost myself in this life Ryan and I have created for our family. There have been times where I have woke up and gone through the day without once stopping to think of myself. I think of Ryan and what he needs for the day, I think of my kids and everything they need throughout the day, but I sometimes don't stop to think of what I need through the day. So I stop and take a breath and say a short prayer though, I am doing something for me. When I write my blogs, I am doing it for me. When I read my books, I am doing it for me. Thanks to God I have found me again. I could literally talk about the ways he has changed my life and the way I look at life forever...but I wont. Not everyone wants to read about that. =)

I will leave you with a little more. I may not remember much of my first 10 years of life, but this I do know, I love my family. Not just the family I grew up with, but the family I didn't get to see too often also. When you have no one else in life, you will ALWAYS have your family. To take them for granted, or to treat them badly is wrong. Plain and simple. Everyone grows up, creates their own family and their own life but we should never forget about the people who were here before our spouses, before our kids, before our friends. They are the ones who loved you when you had bad hair and wore crazy clothes. So take the time to make sure you tell your parents you love them, tell your grandparents, tell your siblings. They want to hear it, I promise.

So now that I've told you probably a lot more than you wanted to know. I will give you a mental high five and leave you to your day. Thanks for reading, and being part of my life for a little while each day, it means a lot to me.

Talk to you soon,
J