Did I Really Let Him Go?!

As you well know, Maximus is almost five. There have been very few, and I mean VERY few, times that I have let him be away from me for more than a night. I don't like the idea of something happening to him and me not being there. I don't ever want him to feel like I'm not there for him. Nothing. I just don't like him being gone like that.

The few times I have made exceptions were for legit reasons. The first time was over Christmas break before he had even turned one. I was working and could not get off for as long as I needed to be, so he stayed with my dad and step mom for a week and a half I think. At the time my mom was my baby sitter and the only person I knew where we were living in Texas, my job was mine and Max's livelihood and there was no way I was going to lose that job. So he had to go to my dads house. I was tore up about that but as any other single mother knows, sometimes you HAVE TO do things you don't want to do for the sake of your kids. The second time was once again while we were in Texas, my mom was going on a trip for about a week and she was my sitter. It was either let her take him with her or lose my job. So I let her take him. Those are the two times that he has been away from me for longer than a day and a night. There have been a few handfuls of times when he has stayed the night at my moms for the night for their "sleepovers" as Max calls them and he has stayed at Ryan's brothers house for a night before too.

Tonight is a somewhat different story. He is spending tonight at Ryan's brothers house, and going to Knotts Berry Farm in the morning, then spending the night again, and coming home in the morning right before he has to go to school. Ryan's dad and step mom are in California for a little while this month and they wanted to take all their grand kids (minus Gabriella...I have my limits haha) to do something fun while they were here. At first when they asked me I immediately said no. I didn't feel comfortable with him going somewhere like that without me there to buffer him or without me there just in case something were to happen to him. After a few minutes of thought I realized, Max is almost five and one of these days he's going to be a teenager wanting to go out and do those things so I need to probably cut that umbilical cord now. The only reason I hold on like this is for my benefit. It makes me feel better to know I am in control of everything. I mean I know Ryan's family are fully able to take care of Max. Ryan's brother and his wife Ann have raised four amazing kids, I'm sure they can handle one of mine.

So I went ahead and said you know what, yeah you guys can take him.

Now as I'm sitting here, Gabriella is in bed and Max would normally be too but he's not. He's probably playing with his favorite cousin Christian and having a blast. Tomorrow when I wake up and he's not here and I only have to take care of Gabriella I know it will be so odd feeling, but I also know he will be having a great time with his family and no matter how much it hurts me to go without seeing him for two days, its totally worth it for the experience he gets out of it.

I already can't wait for him to come home though!

Talk to you soon,
J