Yesterday wasn't one of my best days. The day before that, it wasn't going so well either. More and more I am turning to my Bible to lift my spirits and let God lead me to the answers I'm seeking. Yesterday morning I attended church for the first time in literally four or five years. I've never been a fan of church because when I was younger I really felt that God and church were being forced on me and I wanted to make my own decisions regarding religion. I didn't like being forced to go to church with people I didn't know and in an environment that I wasn't comfortable in. So I turned away from things of that nature. Now all these years later I feel like I have found my place with God and I am ready to hand myself over completely to him and let him take complete control of my life.
I was invited to church by the O'Rourke family. This couple and their kids are amazing. They have qualities that I haven't seen in another married couple and I totally admire them and honestly feel so drawn to them. I accepted the invitation faster than I could even get it out of my mouth and looked forward to it. The last time I went to church I felt like the pastor was speaking directly to me and it kind of freaked me out. The words he was saying hit so close to home. Once again at a completely different church the words of this pastor had me in chills. I didn't want the service to be over. I think that this is God's way of saying "Come back, every Sunday, come back and let me fill you with the words I know you need.". So you know I'm going back next Sunday!
I wanted to share some of the scripture that touched me yesterday.
It is from Romans 12:9-21
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this you will heap burning coals on his head."
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
I'll talk to you soon,
J
4.11.2011
4.09.2011
Delete.
I absolutely love social networking. Just like I love blogging, I love Facebooking too. I love to share my world with everyone else, and I love being a part of my friends' world.
Normally I only add people that I KNOW personally. I went out on a limb though and added a few people that most likely wouldn't talk to me if they saw me in a public place. Mistake. I was becoming kind of suspicious that not only were people that I didn't want looking at my things but my so called "friends" were giving their password so that other people could see my profile. Let me back track for just a second. I never used to block anything. Back when Myspace was cool it was public, when I first made a Facebook it was public. But then things started happening and people started being crazy and stalker-ish. I didn't feel comfortable knowing that people who openly disliked me were able to just gander at my profiles all day and sit around criticizing or whatever. I mean honestly I don't care too much what they have to say, I care that their lives are centered around trash talking my family and myself. Those kind of things don't have to be said directly to you, word gets around and eventually we all find out everything.
So on to the reason why I am writing this. Yesterday I decided to go ahead and delete anyone who hasn't spoke to me in public when I have seen them, or interacted with me on Facebook in a while. This way I can weed out anyone who I feel would break the unspoken trust I had in them when I accepted their friend request originally. I also made sure to delete people who don't add positive into my life. Living this new life with no negativity is trying enough already, I don't want to make it harder right now by having bad/mean people in my personal life.
I just thought you might want to know my reasons for doing that and I hope you all have a beautiful weekend.
Talk to you soon,
J
Normally I only add people that I KNOW personally. I went out on a limb though and added a few people that most likely wouldn't talk to me if they saw me in a public place. Mistake. I was becoming kind of suspicious that not only were people that I didn't want looking at my things but my so called "friends" were giving their password so that other people could see my profile. Let me back track for just a second. I never used to block anything. Back when Myspace was cool it was public, when I first made a Facebook it was public. But then things started happening and people started being crazy and stalker-ish. I didn't feel comfortable knowing that people who openly disliked me were able to just gander at my profiles all day and sit around criticizing or whatever. I mean honestly I don't care too much what they have to say, I care that their lives are centered around trash talking my family and myself. Those kind of things don't have to be said directly to you, word gets around and eventually we all find out everything.
So on to the reason why I am writing this. Yesterday I decided to go ahead and delete anyone who hasn't spoke to me in public when I have seen them, or interacted with me on Facebook in a while. This way I can weed out anyone who I feel would break the unspoken trust I had in them when I accepted their friend request originally. I also made sure to delete people who don't add positive into my life. Living this new life with no negativity is trying enough already, I don't want to make it harder right now by having bad/mean people in my personal life.
I just thought you might want to know my reasons for doing that and I hope you all have a beautiful weekend.
Talk to you soon,
J
4.07.2011
Thankful Thursdays- 18
I know I have probably used this in another blog post, but it will never get old for me.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
--Matthew 11:28
This week, even though my stress levels have been pretty high I am still thankful for everything in my life, like...
171. my computer getting fixed so fast, even though I was missing it really bad for those few days.
172. that I will never have to deal with any other girl/woman trying to be my kid's mom.
173. that I have extraordinary will power.
174. that I was able to book the two flights we need for the next few months.
175. that I am graduating in May.
176. that I have confidence in myself in every aspect of my life.
177. that we have so much planned for this summer. It is going to be a blast!
178. for my wedding anniversary that just passed. I am blessed to have my husband and I love to celebrate it.
179. that even when I am too tired to finish, I get what I have to do done.
180. that my priorities are always in the correct order. God, Husband, Kids, School, and then everything else.
So what are you thankful for this week?
J
4.06.2011
Step Parents.
This subject can be quite touchy to a lot of different people.
I have a step mother myself and I was raised by a step father and my mother. I have had PLENTY of experience with step parents so I am not coming into this subject blindly. First I want to warn you and let you know that I do NOT think all people were meant to be parents...or step parents for that matter. I also want to warn you that even though I am going to try and word this as nicely as possible, it may get a little ugly.
Let me first tell you a little more about my background. I was raised mostly by my mother who was a single parent until I was like five. She married a man who I called daddy because I wanted to. He helped raise me and was in retrospect not a very good man. He was good at taking care of his family, but not good at being a husband for my mom, and because of the way he was raised he wasn't very nice to me or my brother who also wasn't his. My mom divorced him when I was eleven and she was once again a single parent. Now, my dad married the woman who is still my step mother when I was two years old. She was young and had no children of her own. When I was spending time with my dad she was there and she did her best to be a step mom...not a MOM, a step mom. Because she has been in my life for so long, I have heard all kinds of stories. They had a glass coffee table because they didn't have kids in the house full time and I heard about how frustrated she would get when right after she would clean it I would toddle over and put my sticky little hands all over it. Her and my father have been married for almost 23 or 24 years now. There are a few ways that these things have impacted my life. First of all, watching the marriage my mother had with my step father really shaped the way I react to things in my own life, and the way I manage my relationship. Second, being raised for my adolescent and teenage years by a single mother taught me how to look at life a lot more realistically than other people do. And last, because my dad has been married to the same woman basically my whole life it has shown me what a step mother is supposed to be like.
Now as for another experience in MY OWN life with step parents lets talk about Ryan and Max. Maximus is not Ryan's biological son...as most of you probably know. I think my circumstances in this situation are way different than most people who are not with the other parent of their children because Max is the product of literally, a one time thing. I have long ago shaken the embarrassment of that whole situation and accepted it as the path God wanted me to go down. Now, I really am not into bad mouthing Max's biological father because I would never want him to do that to me. What I will say though is that he is not in Max's life, no phone calls, no visits, nothing. His court ordered child support is garnished from his wages automatically and he lives his life. Everyone in life makes their own decisions and this one is his. Moving on from that, because of the lack of relationship between Max and his biological father there has been room for Ryan to be the father Max needs. So I can't really say I view Ryan as Max's step father, to me there should be another level of relationship. Ryan isn't Max's blood but you wouldn't know any better if I didn't tell you or if you didn't hear about it from somewhere else. I want to tell you what it would be like if Max's biological father were in his life...but I can't. I have no idea what that life could be like or how it would change our family dynamic. I do know that I would definitely implement guidelines to make sure that the other parent in the situation never felt disrespected by myself or Ryan.
This brings me to my next point. Step parents should ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS think about how they are affecting the actual parent in this relationship. No step parent should ever TEACH a child to call them mommy or daddy, I do feel like every parent feels differently about this and some may not mind but as for myself, if I had even this slightest feeling that my child was being manipulated by someone like that, there would be some issues. Kids should really be taught to think for themselves and make those kind of decisions on their own with no pressure from anyone. Another thing is that step parents need to think of how they would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. How would they feel if their daughter came home from their dads house with her hair half gone when they themselves weren't there for the first hair cut? Not so good, and some of those step parents might even say that if the shoe were on the other foot they wouldn't allow the kind of things that they do to the other parent of the children. So how, honestly, HOW can these step parents go on being so rude, disrespectful, and sneaky to the other parent?
Now after visiting a little with the bad side of step parents lets talk about the good. There are some step parents that are just normal. They know their boundaries. They respect the relationship the child has with their other parent. These are the kind of step parents that I think the world should be filled with. These are the parents that have no ulterior motives. All they want to do is love the kids, because as we all know, a child can NEVER have too much love. These people were raised with a strong sense of respect for people in general and will use that in their everyday lives therefore applying it to their position as step mother/father. These are the step parents that are friends with the other parent, the ones who will come to functions but step back and let the actual parents do what they have to do as mom and dad.
I feel like I can type about this forever because after seeing my best friend be put through the wringer with regards to the step mother of her children I have a lot of feelings on the subject. As I said before though, we all make our own decisions in life and we all decide how to handle the situations that are thrown at as. Not all of us will do what someone else would do. Not all of us would handle it with grace, some of us would just haul off and beat someone down. So I will stop rambling now because I know this was long and I honestly dont even know if I will even keep this up for good. I'm not trying to make waves, I just have been wanting to get this post out there. I hate that people think Ryan is doing everything I criticize other step parents for doing when in reality they dont know that Ryan is only doing what no one else is doing for Max and that is being his father.
I tried my hardest not to offend anyone and I hope I didn't.
Talk to you soon,
J
I have a step mother myself and I was raised by a step father and my mother. I have had PLENTY of experience with step parents so I am not coming into this subject blindly. First I want to warn you and let you know that I do NOT think all people were meant to be parents...or step parents for that matter. I also want to warn you that even though I am going to try and word this as nicely as possible, it may get a little ugly.
Let me first tell you a little more about my background. I was raised mostly by my mother who was a single parent until I was like five. She married a man who I called daddy because I wanted to. He helped raise me and was in retrospect not a very good man. He was good at taking care of his family, but not good at being a husband for my mom, and because of the way he was raised he wasn't very nice to me or my brother who also wasn't his. My mom divorced him when I was eleven and she was once again a single parent. Now, my dad married the woman who is still my step mother when I was two years old. She was young and had no children of her own. When I was spending time with my dad she was there and she did her best to be a step mom...not a MOM, a step mom. Because she has been in my life for so long, I have heard all kinds of stories. They had a glass coffee table because they didn't have kids in the house full time and I heard about how frustrated she would get when right after she would clean it I would toddle over and put my sticky little hands all over it. Her and my father have been married for almost 23 or 24 years now. There are a few ways that these things have impacted my life. First of all, watching the marriage my mother had with my step father really shaped the way I react to things in my own life, and the way I manage my relationship. Second, being raised for my adolescent and teenage years by a single mother taught me how to look at life a lot more realistically than other people do. And last, because my dad has been married to the same woman basically my whole life it has shown me what a step mother is supposed to be like.
Now as for another experience in MY OWN life with step parents lets talk about Ryan and Max. Maximus is not Ryan's biological son...as most of you probably know. I think my circumstances in this situation are way different than most people who are not with the other parent of their children because Max is the product of literally, a one time thing. I have long ago shaken the embarrassment of that whole situation and accepted it as the path God wanted me to go down. Now, I really am not into bad mouthing Max's biological father because I would never want him to do that to me. What I will say though is that he is not in Max's life, no phone calls, no visits, nothing. His court ordered child support is garnished from his wages automatically and he lives his life. Everyone in life makes their own decisions and this one is his. Moving on from that, because of the lack of relationship between Max and his biological father there has been room for Ryan to be the father Max needs. So I can't really say I view Ryan as Max's step father, to me there should be another level of relationship. Ryan isn't Max's blood but you wouldn't know any better if I didn't tell you or if you didn't hear about it from somewhere else. I want to tell you what it would be like if Max's biological father were in his life...but I can't. I have no idea what that life could be like or how it would change our family dynamic. I do know that I would definitely implement guidelines to make sure that the other parent in the situation never felt disrespected by myself or Ryan.
This brings me to my next point. Step parents should ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS think about how they are affecting the actual parent in this relationship. No step parent should ever TEACH a child to call them mommy or daddy, I do feel like every parent feels differently about this and some may not mind but as for myself, if I had even this slightest feeling that my child was being manipulated by someone like that, there would be some issues. Kids should really be taught to think for themselves and make those kind of decisions on their own with no pressure from anyone. Another thing is that step parents need to think of how they would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. How would they feel if their daughter came home from their dads house with her hair half gone when they themselves weren't there for the first hair cut? Not so good, and some of those step parents might even say that if the shoe were on the other foot they wouldn't allow the kind of things that they do to the other parent of the children. So how, honestly, HOW can these step parents go on being so rude, disrespectful, and sneaky to the other parent?
Now after visiting a little with the bad side of step parents lets talk about the good. There are some step parents that are just normal. They know their boundaries. They respect the relationship the child has with their other parent. These are the kind of step parents that I think the world should be filled with. These are the parents that have no ulterior motives. All they want to do is love the kids, because as we all know, a child can NEVER have too much love. These people were raised with a strong sense of respect for people in general and will use that in their everyday lives therefore applying it to their position as step mother/father. These are the step parents that are friends with the other parent, the ones who will come to functions but step back and let the actual parents do what they have to do as mom and dad.
I feel like I can type about this forever because after seeing my best friend be put through the wringer with regards to the step mother of her children I have a lot of feelings on the subject. As I said before though, we all make our own decisions in life and we all decide how to handle the situations that are thrown at as. Not all of us will do what someone else would do. Not all of us would handle it with grace, some of us would just haul off and beat someone down. So I will stop rambling now because I know this was long and I honestly dont even know if I will even keep this up for good. I'm not trying to make waves, I just have been wanting to get this post out there. I hate that people think Ryan is doing everything I criticize other step parents for doing when in reality they dont know that Ryan is only doing what no one else is doing for Max and that is being his father.
I tried my hardest not to offend anyone and I hope I didn't.
Talk to you soon,
J
I'm Trying!
I feel like I have been neglecting my blog. I like to try to write something at least three times a week but honestly I have no energy to do it after I've done the homework for my five classes on top of everything I do as a mother and a wife. I keep telling myself, Jacqui, just do it. It never takes you long to crank out a good blog. So I sit down and I try to write, then I get distracted by this or that, so I get off the computer. For example I started writing this particular blog early this morning and it is now 6:00 PM and I am barely getting back to it. I think blogging for me is like a diary. I know it may seem crazy but writing things out is just kind of relieving for me. I like to talk to people anyways, and being able to do it to such a wide (well not that wide) audience is nice. It gives people a glimpse into my world and an idea of how I look at life. There are so many things that I want to talk about but to sit down and type them out in a way that wont offend some people is kind of time consuming. Like, I really want to write a blog about step mothers, I haven't actually tried to do it yet though because it is going to take a lot of energy to write about something that is so touchy to so many people.
So maybe after I'm done with all of my homework for this week I will sit down and give you my view on step motherhood. But until then, I have to get back to my school work and my actual responsibilities. I just wanted to post a little something to make myself feel better haha!
Talk to you soon...PROMISE.
J
So maybe after I'm done with all of my homework for this week I will sit down and give you my view on step motherhood. But until then, I have to get back to my school work and my actual responsibilities. I just wanted to post a little something to make myself feel better haha!
Talk to you soon...PROMISE.
J
4.03.2011
Two Years and Counting
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." --Genesis 2:24
Today I have officially been married for two years.
Some may say, "well two years isn't even that long", and to them I say; You get married and let me know in two years if it already feels like you've been married for a life time. I say that not in a negative way at all. I think that if I am feeling like I've already been with Ryan my entire life it must be a good sign. It must mean that I was really meant to be with him for the rest of my days. Never have I had doubts of any kind but to know that it was meant to be makes this reality even better.
What I want to tell you today is what my husband has given me this last year. Ryan has given me more love than I ever knew a man could give. He has given me his arms when I needed to be held, his ears when I needed to be heard, and his hands when I needed his help. My husband is a wonderful man. Even as time passes and my particularness (I don't even know if thats a word haha) about some things gets worse and worse he continues to oblige me and understands that there are just somethings that have to be re-done. He puts away the laundry without me asking (Good man!). He gets up nearly every morning and takes Max to school. There are so many things that Ryan has done in the last year that I could go on and on about but I wont. I'll get to my next point.
In the last year our relationship has grown by leaps and bounds. No one is born knowing how to be married, we are taught by the marriages we see growing up, the marriages that we see on the television, and the marriages that we read about. We eventually figure out the kind of husband or wife we each think we want to be and teach ourselves what works with our relationship and what doesn't. Ryan and I have taught each other things we didn't even know about each other and what we expect out of our marriage. Together we are learning every single day how to maintain the happiness we have right now. We have never wanted to be the couple that is hot as fire in the beginning with all the passion in the world, but then just fizzles out after a few years because thats when reality will kick in. We have always made sure to keep a steady flow of passion and heat going that way it will never run out.That's not to say that all you need to make a marriage last is passion, you need much more than that as I'm sure everyone knows. That was just an example of how we know we will last forever. I have so many words about love and marriage inside of me that I feel as though this might not be making much sense...oopsie. I am really just trying to tell you that I love my husband, plain and simple, easy as pie. I love that man more than I could have ever dreamed of loving any man and I love that we have a day to celebrate our love and the commitment we made to each other when we said "I Do".
So after rambling, probably aimlessly, I have one last thing to add...
Ryan and I are in it for the long haul and I'm proud of it. He is my King and I am his Queen.
So Happy Anniversary to the love of my life and the man God himself created to be a perfect match for me.
Here's a few pictures of our history.
"So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate."--Mark 10:8-9
Talk to you soon,
MRS.HILL
Today I have officially been married for two years.
Some may say, "well two years isn't even that long", and to them I say; You get married and let me know in two years if it already feels like you've been married for a life time. I say that not in a negative way at all. I think that if I am feeling like I've already been with Ryan my entire life it must be a good sign. It must mean that I was really meant to be with him for the rest of my days. Never have I had doubts of any kind but to know that it was meant to be makes this reality even better.
What I want to tell you today is what my husband has given me this last year. Ryan has given me more love than I ever knew a man could give. He has given me his arms when I needed to be held, his ears when I needed to be heard, and his hands when I needed his help. My husband is a wonderful man. Even as time passes and my particularness (I don't even know if thats a word haha) about some things gets worse and worse he continues to oblige me and understands that there are just somethings that have to be re-done. He puts away the laundry without me asking (Good man!). He gets up nearly every morning and takes Max to school. There are so many things that Ryan has done in the last year that I could go on and on about but I wont. I'll get to my next point.
In the last year our relationship has grown by leaps and bounds. No one is born knowing how to be married, we are taught by the marriages we see growing up, the marriages that we see on the television, and the marriages that we read about. We eventually figure out the kind of husband or wife we each think we want to be and teach ourselves what works with our relationship and what doesn't. Ryan and I have taught each other things we didn't even know about each other and what we expect out of our marriage. Together we are learning every single day how to maintain the happiness we have right now. We have never wanted to be the couple that is hot as fire in the beginning with all the passion in the world, but then just fizzles out after a few years because thats when reality will kick in. We have always made sure to keep a steady flow of passion and heat going that way it will never run out.That's not to say that all you need to make a marriage last is passion, you need much more than that as I'm sure everyone knows. That was just an example of how we know we will last forever. I have so many words about love and marriage inside of me that I feel as though this might not be making much sense...oopsie. I am really just trying to tell you that I love my husband, plain and simple, easy as pie. I love that man more than I could have ever dreamed of loving any man and I love that we have a day to celebrate our love and the commitment we made to each other when we said "I Do".
So after rambling, probably aimlessly, I have one last thing to add...
Ryan and I are in it for the long haul and I'm proud of it. He is my King and I am his Queen.
So Happy Anniversary to the love of my life and the man God himself created to be a perfect match for me.
Here's a few pictures of our history.
"So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate."--Mark 10:8-9
Talk to you soon,
MRS.HILL
4.01.2011
I Have a Five Year Old?!
WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN??!!
Was it while I was going to school?
Was it when I was working my tush off?
Was it while I was busy keeping a clean house and taking care of a newborn?
Time with Maximus has gone by quicker than ever these days. Days filled with laundry to do, food to cook, diapers to change, and honestly just a lot to do everyday.
Sometime in the daily chore list that we call life my little boy grew up. He can spell his entire long long name, he can count really high. He knows all his shapes, colors, letters of the alphabet. He has become one smart little cookie. He is almost as tall as me and more handsome than I could have ever imagined. His stories brighten every day and his laughter can fill the whole house.
As I was baking the cake for his actual birthday I was thinking about all of this and thinking about how far just Max and I have come since his first birthday. We have managed to find a good father figure for him and a good husband for me. He has gained a little sister and I a daughter. Max's life has become more and more charmed as he has grown and I know with every passing year it will get even more charmed.
I thought we could take a little trip down memory lane and I would share a picture from each of Max's past birthdays!
One Year Old!
Two Years Old!
Three Years Old!
Four Years Old!
And now Five Years Old!!
Talk to you soon,
J
Was it while I was going to school?
Was it when I was working my tush off?
Was it while I was busy keeping a clean house and taking care of a newborn?
Time with Maximus has gone by quicker than ever these days. Days filled with laundry to do, food to cook, diapers to change, and honestly just a lot to do everyday.
Sometime in the daily chore list that we call life my little boy grew up. He can spell his entire long long name, he can count really high. He knows all his shapes, colors, letters of the alphabet. He has become one smart little cookie. He is almost as tall as me and more handsome than I could have ever imagined. His stories brighten every day and his laughter can fill the whole house.
As I was baking the cake for his actual birthday I was thinking about all of this and thinking about how far just Max and I have come since his first birthday. We have managed to find a good father figure for him and a good husband for me. He has gained a little sister and I a daughter. Max's life has become more and more charmed as he has grown and I know with every passing year it will get even more charmed.
I thought we could take a little trip down memory lane and I would share a picture from each of Max's past birthdays!
One Year Old!
Two Years Old!
Three Years Old!
Four Years Old!
And now Five Years Old!!
Talk to you soon,
J
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