6.27.2011

Whats in a Name?

I was never going to change my name. I never saw the romance in it, I never understood why women would want to give up the only name they've ever had just for a man.
And then I was actually getting married. My husband asked me to change my name. He understood why I had reservations about it, he knew that I loved him and that I was just nervous about losing myself and my own identity in our new marriage. He wanted me to take his name though. That was it end of story, my man wanted me to do something for him, so I did it. After he listened to my reasoning, and we talked it to death, he still just wanted me to be called by his name, so I agreed.
Now another thing that I have never (and still do not) understood, is why women give children the last names of men that they are not married to. I do not get why essentially single (not married) women would give the children they birthed, the name of a man that they dont know will eventually marry them. Now I'm not saying all men will leave their children and girlfriends at all. I'm saying that UNTIL they are married to these guys, they should give their children their own names.
This brings me to a dilemma I've been fighting with myself over. Maximus has my maiden name. Had I been in a relationship with his father when he was born he would STILL have my name. Gabriella has her fathers last name, but thats because we were married when she was born. Had we not been married, she would also have my maiden name. Now this makes Max the odd man out. He is the only one of the four of us with a different name, and he is starting to notice. We dont go around talking about how we are the Hill's we dont have it all over the place. Nothing like that. We dont even say he is anything but one of us. BUT he is writing his own name now, and he was told at school unfortunately that we have a different last name than him. (Yeah, jerks I know.) So after a few requests and complaints from Max that I was supposed to name him Hill and not what his name actually is, I started seriously considering a name change.

So its up to me as mommy to figure out how I feel about this, and what would be best for him when hes an adult. The only answer I can come up with that would satisfy every situation that I can think of is to just add Hill to the end of his already hyphenated last name. (Yes, my maiden name is hyphenated.) I think if we do this then my name will be carried on, like I wanted it to be, and Max will feel more like he is one of us, even though we have never ever ever said anything to make him think he wasn't. And when it comes to school, he can just go by Maximus Hill.

I know most people may think, its just his last name, who cares. But I do care. I care about who I was, and who I am. I care about my family and the names my children will carry on. This is why I put so much thought into what they're named before they're ever even born. Names mean something, so changing Max's to something other than what I intended it to be when he was born is a big deal to me. In the end I hope I make the right decision and I'll keep everyone updated on the process.

Talk to you soon,
J

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